Titles Can Be Misleading and So Can Strings
by SkyChasingDreamer
Summary: Gintoki/Hijikata pairing - Without a second's thought, Gintoki follows his string, brows scrunched, and he honestly can't believe this is actually happening to him. He almost wants to think it's an illusion, that this bud of excitement he's feeling is from the beer he had last night instead of this stupid string.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Titles Can Be Misleading and So Can Strings

**Pairing**: GinHijiGin

**Rating**: T to eventual NC17

**Dedicated To**: BIRTHDAY GIFTY FOR HUSBAND

**Disclaimer**: No

**A/N**: HAHAHAHAA

* * *

**Prologue**

It has been happening at random, people all across Edo reporting about the red string. String of Fate, it's called, or that's what they're all calling it, and stupid is what Gintoki thinks it is. It came out of thin air, just _boom_, started happening one day and has been passed off with the explanation of, "It's an Amanto thing." Foreign magic to hook humans up, like the aliens took over Earth to play matchmaker. Only in Gintama will you find something so absurd and still have it be completely plausible, however, that doesn't mean Gintoki is any less bemused by it.

See, ever since the first report, Gintoki took to staring at the TV with an unwavering fixation – like, he didn't even _blink –_ whenever Ketsuno Ana was on. He'd keep his hand raised and bounce in his seat, waiting for the red string to appear because they're meant to be together, he knows it! But after three weeks of hearing about all the hundreds of people who experienced it – mostly good stories, some not so great ones – he sort of stopped paying much attention to the whole thing.

That doesn't mean he stopped thinking about it though. It isn't on his mind all the time or anything, but, frankly, it's impossible not to think about it when someone goes running by with their hand raised, screaming as they follow their string, which is invisible to all others. It's to the point where it's starting to get a little annoying and, to be clear, it's not annoying because his own hasn't appeared. He's fairly convinced he won't get a string, not because he hasn't been paired with the weather girl yet, but because... well, he just doesn't think that... actually, never mind, okay? Forget that, just know that he's not expecting any red string to be magically appearing around any of his fingers.

Though, he does have to wonder what kind of person he'd find at the end of his string. Ketsuno Ana is his first choice, but he can picture it being a big breasted widowed housewife too. Or some hot soccer mom or one of the beautiful models he sees in ads around Edo. Maybe even –

No, back to the point, yeah, it's getting annoying. It's been _weeks_ and the whole stupid thing hasn't died down yet, it just keeps spreading and spreading like some unavoidable epidemic. It doesn't happen to kids or anything, best estimated range is twenty to sixty. No one has been showing up at graves or some fucked up shit like that. Gintoki had heard through the grapevine of speculation that the string connects a person to the nearest most compatible being. It has become a plague! And Gintoki is tired of the kids looking at him expectantly every time they see him, it has gotten so bad he sometimes avoids the apartment altogether just to spare himself. Especially from Kagura's unerring question every time he sees her, "Gin-chan! Did your red string appear?"

The answer is always no.

And, get this, he may have grown weary of waiting on Ketsuno Ana, but Sarutobi, she hasn't backed off in the least. She's around _all the time!_ She hunts him down, follows him around, appears in the apartment, descends from the ceiling, rolls out of the cabinets, becomes a pachinko machine, slithers from under tables, there's no escaping her! The worst is thinking he's managed to slip away, then he'll find natto smeared on something and constantly be paranoid that she'll teleport out of nowhere. He knows what she's hoping for, it's obvious, but everyone wants things and a lot of times wanting just isn't enough.

He's tired of the whole red string thing, time to shift to something else. He's been having a good, lazy day and Kagura is happy because he's been with her for a majority of it. They haven't been doing anything of note, just spending time around the apartment watching trash TV and eating all the junk food they can scrounge up from their near empty pantry. Shinpachi had stopped by earlier to make breakfast, but since then went back to the dojo to help Otae clean or something. Gintoki had painstakingly uninvited himself to that and Kagura had opted to join him.

The day comes and goes like that, but by nightfall, right around the time he's putting Kagura to bed, his blood starts to ignite. By the time she's asleep, he's burning up and it's not a feeling that can be doused by self-service, he knows it. This happens sometimes, his body roars and yearns for release like an itch he can't scratch himself. Since it's been almost a week since last went on the prowl, he puts on his boots and dons his sword. It'll be quick, he'll be back before morning and Kagura will never know he'd gone anywhere.

The trick when he goes out is avoiding Sarutobi because she's always lurking around somewhere in waiting. Unfortunately for her, Gintoki never sleeps with people he knows, that would just be weird to him. He likes to venture out into the dark, dirty, grimy parts of the district and get lost there for awhile. He doesn't have to think about anything, he can vanish unnoticed for a time. And when he passes some Shinsengumi members on patrol when he's on his way into the darkness, he can only smirk because they've got no idea what's on his agenda.

-o-O-o-

Weeks pass this way and Gintoki barely notices their passing. He's happy with what he does, his Odd Jobs with the kids, his Jump, his soaps, his occasional outings for romps with nameless partners, his drinks with madao, his _life_, he's got a great thing going.

That all changes, though, when the red string inevitably happens to him.

He's just walking along minding his own business when he jerks to a halt and thinks he can now commiserate with how a rubber band might feel when stretched to absolute capacity. He feels too big for his body, ready to burst at any moment, he's fucking suffocating for no apparent reason. Looking down at the pressure on his pinky finger, he blinks owlishly at the red string wrapped tight around it and his mind goes blank.

Without a second's thought, Gintoki follows his string, brows scrunched, and he honestly can't believe this is actually happening to him. He almost wants to think it's an illusion, that this bud of excitement he's feeling is from the beer he had last night instead of this stupid string. And the more he walks, the easier it gets to breathe, isn't that strange? He walks as he normally would, aware that no one else can see what he sees and he's glad for that as he follows twists and turns up and down streets and roads until...

"Nooooo!"

"Nooooo!"

Gintoki's screech is mirrored by that of one – Toushiro Hijikata.

"No! You are _not _Ketsuno Ana!" Gintoki snaps, pointing an accusing finger at Hijikata and backing up a step. "No, no, no, _no!_ This is a joke, right? _Right_?"

Hijikata's face is red, his cigarette crushed between his teeth and his eyes are bugging out of his head as he gives the string a shake from his hand. "I knew this t-thing was b-bullshit!"

Hijikata's shaking with fury and looks like he's a second away from going berserk, which doesn't bode well for Gintoki's immediate health. He can't think, can't even analyze what he's feeling right now other than _get the fuck away this fucking instant. _And the fates must hear him because in a burst of light, the string pulsates, then disintegrates away in a shower of red embers that give off no heat.

"There!" Gintoki exclaims. "See? It's gone! This – all this, it doesn't mean a damn thing!"

"Goddamn r-right it doesn't, bastard!"

"We tell no one!"

"T'ch, obviously!"

"Alright! We're done here! Bye bye!"

Gintoki takes off and doesn't look back, his heart beating to the tune of what he's feeling – _no-no, no-no, no-no. _He's honestly going to pretend that whole encounter hadn't just happened, he'll drink himself into a stupor and pass it off as a terrible hallucination. That didn't just happen, it didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't. He's in denial and he's staying there forevermore, fuck everything that just happened. Curse the string, goddamn Hijikata, to hell with the fates, and fuck everything.

He gets back to his apartment and storms in, stopping only at the kitchenette only to grab whatever alcohol he has stashed away. Then he's zipping right off to his room, a cold sweat on his brow and panic settling in his stomach.

"Gin-chan! Did your red st –"

"No, it didn't!" Gintoki screeches before she can finish and slams the door of his room shut with the final-est of final finals.

**To Be Continued**

**A/N**: It's mean to be a little rush, this is according to plan. Trust me, I know what I'm doing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Clever Title is Clever and Pertains to the Chapter**

Gintoki's sitting on one of the sofa eating a slice of cake – and by slice, he means half. He has half the goddamn cake on his plate and he's slowly eating his way through it. There's confetti on the floor and all over his body, streamers around the apartment, and a cone shaped party hat has been put on top of his head.

It's a pity party.

Kagura has thrown him a pity party because his answer is always no when she asks about the string. She'd interpreted his anger from the night before as him being upset over his lack of string action. He doesn't know whether to laugh or dry sob into his cake. His pity cake. Instead of doing either, he's caught somewhere in the middle and he enjoys the fuck out of the cake because it's _cake_. It's vanilla with strawberries on it as well as mixed in the batter and the icing is so fluffy it disintegrates right there on his tongue.

But no matter how good it is – not to mention, how had Kagura even paid for this? Questionable. – that doesn't take away from the fact that it is, indeed, a pity cake. The irony is that he does actually pity himself, so he shoves another guilt free bite into his mouth and chews loudly, heedless of the frosting on his lips and around his mouth. He has got a lot going on right now, he's allowed to be as much a slob as he so desires.

All things considered, he doesn't know exactly how he feels regarding the whole fiasco from the day before. He doesn't feel any different, as in, he has no inclinations to go seek he-who-shall-not-be-named out and spend time with him. From some of the reports Gintoki had seen on TV, he'd thought maybe the strings were more efficacious by amplifying the right emotions since so many people had reacted strongly in a positive way when finding their partner. Gintoki hadn't even found a partner, he'd found a mayora and there's nothing positive about that.

If anything, Gintoki is a bit bitter. He's been through a lot in his life, seen a lot, done a lot, and he's happy in Edo with his motley crew. Why, then, does fate throw another curve ball at him? It's true that it doesn't change his lifestyle since he has opted to deliberately ignore what had happened, but it still stands that this Amanto phenomena or whatever it is has just paired him up with the biggest bastard ever to bastard. Gintoki doesn't care that it's another guy, what pisses him off and makes him sour is that it's _that_ guy. Of all the many in Edo, it's _that _one. Couldn't fate have just left him alone to continue being happy with his people? He's fine with the solitary life he has, he doesn't need anything more since he's lucky to have what he does.

"Gin-chan, I'm turning on the TV!" Kagura announces as she and Shinpachi come back into the room.

He waves his fork lazily and come to think of it, he doesn't actually know where those two had gotten off to. They'd left for... something and now they're back and he has cake and so for the moment, he's all set. He's even still in his pajamas, his favorite pair of green ones – never mind that he hadn't gotten much sleep last night. How could he have? Thinking of himself ever getting into any kind of relationship with that Shinsengumi dog beyond passing acquaintances – less of an acquaintance, even – makes him feel sick. His stomach drops like there's a pit in his gut and his nose scrunches, it's repulsive. Yet that's what the string is insinuating, that that guy is the one for him.

"Ha!" Gintoki barks, shoveling in a piece of cake.

"What's so funny, Gin-san?" Shinpachi asks, sitting on the opposite sofa with a piece of cake, much smaller than Gintoki's own, in his lap.

"He's probably jealous this couple found each other," Kagura replies, the other half of the cake minus Shinpachi's slice hoarded close to her.

Gintoki looks at the TV and, sure enough, it's an interview with an ecstatic young man and an equally ecstatic flushing woman. They're all bright eyed and shining with their hopes and dreams for the future. Lame. So lame. Foolish, naïve young people. Granted, he's not that old, probably close to the same age as these people, but he's seen much and more of the world, he _knows_ the horrors and terrors that are out there.

He has also seen what's at the end of his string and it ain't pretty. In fact, it has an ugly scowl, a nasty smell, a foul personality, and the only halfway decent thing about the whole ordeal is that they'd had the same reaction. Having _no _screamed in his face is about as finite as it can get, so there isn't a single doubt that their feelings are mutual in that aspect. It's a bit surreal, this whole thing, he almost can't get over that it even happened to him when he'd been so sure that it wouldn't. Maybe there had been a kindling of hope and that's why he'd immediately followed the stupid string, but that hope or whatever it was is now extinguished.

"Gin-chan!" Kagura calls, appearing in front of him and making him blink.

He quickly pulls his cake closer to him for safety purposes and squints at her. "Don't get too close! You have your piece, shoo!"

"You were spacing out again."

"I was just woken up by a rain of confetti, men weren't made to wake up that way."

"It's the afternoon."

"...what's your point?"

"You look like you didn't sleep," she replies, pointing to one of her own eyes. She suddenly sends him a lecherous look and leans in, her eyebrows waggling. "What were you doing in your room all night all by yourself?"

"Kagura-chan!" Shinpachi screams, mortified, as he leaps to his feet.

Gintoki only sniffs and looks away. "Seems like you already know."

She tilts her head. "Did you use your fingers?"

"Every single one of them."

Shinpachi sways like he's either going to faint or his soul is going to depart his body. "G-Gin-san?"

"Did it make you feel good?" Kagura asks.

"Yes, but sometimes it hurt."

Shinpachi's party hat comes flying over and clunks off the side of Gintoki's head. "Shame on you, this is a child!"

Gintoki gives him his best dead fish eyes. "She's a teenager, Patsuan, it's time she got into these things."

"G-got into..." Shinpachi's face loses all its color and his glasses fog before he rages, "Child or teenager, she's still too young to be discussing things like m-m-mast-t-t – _you know!_"

Gintoki and Kagura share a guileful look as she questions innocently, "Ne, Gin-chan, what mast thing?"

"Dunno," he answers, stuffing his fork in his cake so he can raise his hand and pick his nose with his pinky. "That's part of a ship."

Kagura mirrors his nose picking technique. "So... what's he talking about?"

"Beats me, I was talking about Jump."

"Must have been a good one if it made you hurt."

"Hurt so good I couldn't put it down." Shinpachi sits heavily down onto the sofa, not moving, and Gintoki pulls his finger out of his nose to rub the booger on Kagura's shirt. "Go over there and make sure we didn't cause permanent damage."

"Do it yourself, old man," Kagura says, rubbing her own booger on his sleeve. "And if you're not going to finish that..."

"Mine!" Gintoki snarls, wrapping himself around what's left of his cake. "You've had yours!"

"But I'm still hungry!"

"There's rice in the kitchen!"

"No, there isn't! We ate that yesterday!"

"Wait... we did?"

"Well, _I _did."

"_Haaah?_ That was the last of our food!"

She eyes his cake and licks her lips, muttering, "_Almost_ the last of it."

Gintoki lowers his head to point the hat at her menacingly while still keeping her in his sights. "Don't. You. Dare."

"Resistance is futile, Gin-chan," she whispers, stomach gurgling.

"Get money from Shinpachi to go shopping."

"We haven't had a job in over a week, there is no money!"

"So? Go get a job!"

"You're the adult, you're supposed to take care of me!"

They quibble back and forth like usual, but despite that, Gintoki's still pretty miffed. He can put on fronts and make it seem like everything is okay, he can share a corner of his cake with Kagura and resuscitate Shinpachi, he can go about his day to day as he always does, these are all things he can do. Things he _will_ do. Things he's going to have to do because as far as he's concerned, the string had never appeared. The unsettling knot in his gut will go away, he'll eventually stop thinking about it, and everything will be normal again soon.

-o-O-o-

Hijikata's fingers are cramped and he's got ink and cigarette smudges all over them. He's been at it for... he doesn't even know how long and he keeps right on churning more and more out, keeping himself focused and concentrated. He stops briefly to take the cigarette out of his mouth and blow some smoke out while rotating his wrist, giving it a short reprieve. He has a couple stacks left and he's determined to get them done before the day is done, no excuses!

There's a knock on his door and he snaps, "What?"

Yamazaki opens up, greeting, "Ah, heichou!"

Hijikata glares death. "If you call me that one more time, seppuku for you!"

"Sorry! Sorry, fukuchou! It's just – they're so much alike and... you know, you actually have a lot in common with one of char – _ack!_"

Yamazaki falls to the floor with a thud because of the projectile Hijikata had thrown and he must be unconscious because he's only twitching. That suits Hijikata just fine, he's too pissed to give a shit. Though, he _can _admit that he does have a striking resemblance to Levi in terms of temperament and disposition. And those straps – those are pretty badass. Not that he watches the show or anything.

….

Levi is short as fuck.

The temperature drops and Sougo is suddenly looming in the doorway with a dark cloud behind him. "What'd you say about shrimps, Hijikata-san?"

"H-hah?" Hijikata looks up and reads the last couple paragraphs. "The word shrimp isn't mentioned until you say it! You shouldn't even be here! I have you out on patrol until dinner and it's," he looks over at his clock and frowns because it's missing. He spots it seconds later and, ah, right, it'd been his projectile to knock Yamazaki – who still has yet to come to – out. Tilting his head, he can just decipher what it says at an angle and it's, "After... dinner..."

"How strange," Sougo muses as he strolls farther into the room, "it isn't like you to lose track of time. What has you so distracted, I wonder?"

Hijikata lights up a new cigarette, growling, "T'ch, lots of work to do, that's what."

"Hmm... that so? Well, you're going to have to put it aside for awhile. Kondo-san is worried, he wants you to join him for dinner and drinks in his room."

Hijikata sighs out an exhale of smoke. "I'll be along, tell him I'll be there once I finish this report." Sougo doesn't move and hovers over him, watching. "We're done now! You can leave!"

"Where'd you go last night?"

The question catches him so off guard that he nearly drops his cigarette. "I was on patrol! Doing the job _you_ shoulda been doing!"

"You're sure that's it?" Sougo presses with a leer. Hijikata can't stop his face from heating up as he reflexively reaches for his sword to brandish. "Now, now, Hijikata-san, there's no need for that," Sougo chastises with enough condescension to make Hijikata feel ill. "I'll show myself out. See you at dinner."

Hijikata's grip loosens on his scabbard, his eyes narrowing as the door closes because that had been too easy. Much, much too easy. Setting his sword down, he takes up his pen to begin working again and ah, there's a grenade on his desk. When Sougo had put it there without him noticing is a mystery and doesn't matter because it has been activated and will explode at any second.

Yelling, Hijikata picks it up and sprints to the porch door. He flings it open and chucks the grenade out just in time for it to explode midair. Ash falls from the end of Hijikata's cigarette and he takes it out of his mouth to exhale as the debris falls onto the training ground. Stupid Sougo and his wily ways. The normalcy of it almost feels good though and gives him a place to direct his frustrations, not that he's happy about a grenade nearly going off in his face.

He closes the door and sighs, his stomach dropping slightly at the prospect of dinner. It's not that Hijikata doesn't want to spend time with Kondo, he just knows he'll be terrible company. He has been on the warpath since yesterday and the only reason he's doing paperwork is because his _out for blood_ attitude had been put under too much scrutiny. It got to the point where he'd needed to hole himself away from people and burn through stack after stack of paperwork to feel semi-productive. He likes being put to good use for the Shinsengumi, it's literally what his life revolves around and he wouldn't have it any other way.

So, when he doesn't feel like he's doing enough, it frustrations and really gets him, digs right under his skin and claws away at him. He'd been ineffectual all day, not a single thing had gone right, and it's all because of that _string_. He'd tried not to think about it, tried to distract himself with work and doing what he loves to do, but it just... no, it hadn't done a damn thing.

The red string... what a joke. What a pathetic, sick joke. And above all things, it's cruel. The only woman he has ever loved is dead and when that string had appeared, it'd felt like his heart was being ripped out, it hurt that much. The first person he'd thought of when he'd seen it had been Mitsuba and knowing she wouldn't be at the end of the string was altogether crushing. Even thinking about it makes him a careful mixture of angry and sad, but mostly angry. Bitter anger, it feels like a betrayal no matter how unintentionally. Though, the anger had more come once he'd actually seen who it was on the other end.

The permy one.

Hijikata still can't fathom it and the sheer amount of _no_ still coursing through him has physically manifested itself within his temper. He snaps at everything and everyone where usually he can manage himself better. That's why he'd removed himself into solitary activities, the way he'd been out in the open with others wasn't a good representation of the Shinsengumi. He doesn't care about his own reputation, but when it comes to the Shinsengumi, he won't do anything to sully the name, it means too much to him and stands for so much more.

And what Hijikata hates more than anything about the whole situation is that he's curious. Actually _curious_, though not enough so to actually do anything about it. Curious because, out of all the many people in Edo, why the natural perm? They don't get along, they've proved on several occasions just how much they don't like each other, they can't be in the same place without fighting about something, there's _nothing _tangible or substantial enough to string them together.

_Yet_ – there'd been a string, one that had connected him right to the bastard.

Hijikata hates the situation, hates that he's curious, hates that it's the parfait freak, he just _hates _it. It's because he hates it that he's not curious enough to do anything about it. The natural perm's ugly mug is still burned into his head, nose all scrunched in disgust, they want nothing to do with each other. It's best to avoid everything until it goes away and at that point, he'll pass it off as a bad dream or a terrible plot point.

Going over to his closet, he pulls out a blue yukata and starts taking off his clothes. His cigarette reaches the end when he's removing his shirt, so he goes to his full ashtray and smashes it in there, not caring that there isn't enough room. He finishes changing and ties his yukata off, stewing in silence and tempted to light up another cigarette. He's been going through them all day, at least two packs by now, but it doesn't feel like enough. Normally they're better at taking the edge off, but there must be too much edge today because he feels no better no matter how many he smokes. Someone had actually referred to him as a chimney today and it'd taken the combined efforts of Harada and Yamazaki – who's still just sprawled out on the floor – to keep his spitting and snapping self from going after the man looking for a fight.

Stuffing a pack and his lighter in his yukata just in case, he grabs Yamazaki's foot and drags him into the hall. He's making some groaning sounds, so he's probably fine and can take care of himself when he comes to. Propping Yamazaki against the wall, Hijikata closes his door and heads for Kondo's room. A drink sounds good, but he doesn't want to drink too much. If he lets anything slip in front of Sougo things will go from bad to worse and that's the last thing Hijikata needs. Still, since nicotine isn't working, he's willing to test alcohol and see if that'll help at all.

Too bad something in him already knows it won't.

**To Be Continued**


End file.
